


Sweet Batjokes Christmas

by supremegreendragon



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Arkham Asylum, But Bruce's secret is safe with him, Christmas, Christmas Presents, Dress Up, Joker knows who Bruce is, M/M, Mood Swings, OOC, Rehabilitation, Requited Love, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, mentions of past violence, short and sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:08:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21854272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supremegreendragon/pseuds/supremegreendragon
Summary: Joker gets a visit from his Bat. Cute one-shot. Very different from all my other Batjokes fics
Relationships: Batman/Joker, Joker (DCU)/Bruce Wayne
Comments: 20
Kudos: 235





	Sweet Batjokes Christmas

“Home sweet home. Home sweet home,” Joker sang his chant off-key on purpose. Sometimes he got a reaction out of the guard, which made it all worth it. Just the guard pounding on the door and telling him to shut up was enough of a reward to merit the hours of singing. Joker was a simple clown. He liked to be noticed. Even if it ended up giving him a sore throat afterwards.

The eye slot slid opened, revealing the guard’s sunglasses.

“You have a visitor,” he said, closing the slot before Joker could say anything.

Joker frowned from where he sat. He never had a visitor in his entire life, unless it was the Bat trying to get answers. His heart swelled with hope, but the hope quickly vanished. No, it couldn’t be him. Joker hadn’t done anything wrong, so that meant no visit from the Bat for him.

But then the sight of his Bat coming inside took his breath away. The Bat (who was in disguise as Bruce Wayne) carried with him a big suitcase. Batman never came to the asylum looking like this. Joker wasn’t sure if he liked it.

Still…a visit from a disguised Bat was better than none at all. Joker would’ve hugged him if weren’t for the straitjacket tied snuggly across his upper body. His widest smile would have to do.

“Bruce!” he said in case the guard was still listening. He knew the Bat would appreciate him keeping up appearances.

Batman didn’t smile, but his eyes were soft and kind. Taking a seat on the floor next to him, Batman inspected the clown carefully, looking for any signs of neglect from the staff.

_Well, if he’s so worried about that_ , thought Joker sardonically, _then he wouldn’t throw me in here._

Finally, Batman looked satisfied, “You put on weight.”

Joker flinched as if he’d been slapped. Batman realized what he said and immediately went to rectify the situation.

“It’s a good thing, J. You were severely underfed last time. You had me worried.”

“I don’t have an eating disorder,” Joker stated coldly. Not five minutes into his visit and Batman was already pushing his buttons.

“I don’t want to fight. Not right now. Don’t you know what today is?”

“My birthday?”

“Hmm. Maybe. You never tell me anything like that.”

“That’s because I like to think every day’s my birthday,” Joker grinned, all humor returned. He couldn’t stay angry at his Batsy, especially not when he had finally come for a cordial visit.

“I’ll give you a hint.”

With that, Batman opened his suitcase to reveal a present, cupcakes wrapped in plastic wrap, and headbands. One headband had a Santa hat on top. The other had reindeer horns. Joker nearly jumped in excitement.

“Oh Brucey! You know exactly how to woo a clown, don’t you? I’ll love you forever if I get to be Santa.”

“Huh. For some reason I thought you’d be Rudolf.”

It was then Joker noticed the red nose that must’ve come with the reindeer accessory. For a moment he pondered in very much the same way a child would in this situation. The nose would be a lot more fun to wear. But if he was Santa, then Batman would have to be Rudolf (because Joker would force him to participate dammit!) and that would be super funny. Plus Santa was Rudolf’s master, and Joker liked the thought of having dominion over his Bat, even if it was pretend.

“You’ll wear the nose better,” Joker said.

Although Batman nodded, he clearly looked uncertain. It seemed he came into this thinking of a different outcome. He hesitantly put on the reindeer headband. Then he slid the Santa one over Joker’s head.

“So how do I look?”

“Jolly.”

Joker cackled in glee. His green eyes landed on the nose, still untouched. The clown gave Batman a look. Getting the hint, Batman sighed and put it on. Now Joker’s laughter echoed the padded walls. For once, the sound was more joyful than malicious.

“You look funny!”

“Thanks, Santa,” Batman smirked.

Suddenly the laughter stopped. Batman frowned when he saw how serious Joker looked. Joker tended to have mood swings that flicked on and off like a light switch. It was one of the many things the doctor had to help him deal with. So Batman wasn’t surprised to see the change, but he was waiting for Joker to explain what was on his mind.

“It’s Christmas?”

“That’s right, J.”

“December 25th. Today?”

“….Yes?” Batman answered hesitantly.

Joker gave him a suspicious look, “What about your family?”

“You’re my family too.”

“Really? I didn’t get a visit from you last year.”

Batman frowned at the accusing tone. He sighed and rubbed his temples, pissing off Joker even further. How dare Batman act like he was being unreasonable?

“I told you. I had to save those people on the train. You can’t blame me if the Penguin decided to hold several dozen people hostage that day.”

It stung to remember. Joker didn’t see the value of life, unless it was his or the Bat’s. And he had no idea why Batman saw value in other people’s lives. To Joker, they were less than pawns in their own little game.

Maybe he really was crazy. But he liked being crazy. And Batman should like him being crazy too.

And speaking of crazy, what was going through Penguin’s mind when he decided to get between him and the Bat? That fucking bird must’ve lost his mind that day. It was a good thing Joker would later teach him the error of his ways.

“You should’ve killed him. The Penguin,” he told the dark hero.

Batman’s eyes narrowed. It looked ridiculous considering that he was still wearing the Rudolf get up.

“He got his punishment.”

Joker smiled evilly, “Yes, he did. I personally made sure of it.”

“You shouldn’t have gotten involved.”

“It was just a broken leg. I didn’t kill him.”

“And I’m grateful. Really, I am,” Batman’s voice was tense, as if he was losing patience but trying desperately to play nice, “But you need to leave that kind of thing to me.”

“Why?” Joker pouted.

“Because you go overboard really easily. When you’re violent like that, it makes you more likely to kill.”

“Why is that such a big deal anyway?” Joker asked. It was the same question he asked him a thousand times before. Because honestly, he didn’t know. People died whether he killed them or not. And if it wasn’t one of the two important people in the world, why did it matter?

“Please, J. Can’t we just enjoy Christmas? Alfred made cupcakes.”

“He poisoned them.”

Batman did a double-take, looking both surprised and ready to burst out laughing, “What?”

“He doesn’t like me.”

“He didn’t poison them.”

“Stop laughing, Bats! It’s not funny.”

“Fine. More for me,” with that, Batman took one out of the plastic wrap and took a bite. Joker tensed up. If he died, then Alfred would get the worst punishment imaginable.

Batman made an appreciative noise, clearly not in any sudden pain. The pink frosting stuck to his lips, coating them in the most seductive way. Joker leaned in and kissed the sugar off of them. Batman held onto the small of his back in order to keep him steady. When they withdrew, Batman held another cupcake in front of Joker’s face.

“See? He even made it strawberry flavored for you.”

He supposed that was alright. Batman and strawberry cake. This was turning out to be the best Christmas ever. Joker didn’t regret hurting the Penguin, even if Batsy wanted him to feel guilty. Because the other villains must’ve gotten the message. No making the Bat work on Christmas.

Joker took a bite of the soft pastry. The taste of sugar danced on his tongue. This was almost as sweet as the kiss they just shared. Joker very rarely got to eat anything Alfred made and he was always surprised by how good he was with food. Joker didn’t dislike Alfred, even if Alfred hated him. How could Joker hate the man that almost single-handedly raised his Bats?

When the cupcakes were done, Joker felt like jumping for joy. It had been so long since the last time he had this much fun. Joker had spent the past few months trying to be a good boy, taking his medicine and not escaping Arkham even if he really wanted to.

But sometimes he wondered if it was all worth it. He felt half-dead most days. The only thing that brought him joy was having Batman’s attention.

But then Batman had tried to make a deal with him. Be good. Learn to behave. And he would have a better life than their games. So that was why Joker tried. He tried for him.

And yet….he was so close to giving up and going back to being the Joker again. He was chaos incarnate. It was in his nature. Maybe once Batman left, he would surprise him by bombing Gotham City’s bank. He couldn’t wait to see Batman’s disappointed face…..

..That was somewhat of a lie. In all honesty, he liked having Batman’s approval. What was wrong with him?

“J? You’re spacing out.”

Frowning, Joker locked his green eyes into Batman’s blue ones. Batman held out the present. Setting it on his lap, he looked at Joker.

“Would you like me to open it now?”

“It’s from you to me? How sweet. It better be your underpants.”

“Pervert,” Batman chuckled, “I hope you won’t be too disappointed then.”

Joker allowed him to open it up. What he saw nearly made his heart stop.

“Do you like it?” Batman held up the jewelry box closer, “I thought when you got better….you could use something to hold all your make-up.”

The box was made of beautiful silver, no doubt completely authentic. It was the most beautiful thing Joker had ever seen. And he had stolen millions and millions of dollars’ worth of merchandise.

And Batman was just going to give it to him?

“I….I didn’t get you anything,” Joker was shocked at himself for feeling guilty. He wasn’t used to that feeling. And it wasn’t even his fault, since he was stuck here.

“Yes, you did. You’ve been trying very hard to get better. That’s the best thing you could ever get me,” Batman placed the box between Joker’s legs. He scooted closer and wrapped his arms around the clown, who was still staring at the box in wonder. Batman whispered into his ear, “I know it’s been difficult. But you’ll see. When you get out of here, move in with me. I’ll keep an eye on you. And you can keep an eye on me. It will be exactly what you want.”

Joker felt his face flushed. In reality, that was exactly what he wanted, to be close to Batman. He stared at the figurines that were sculpted on top of the jewelry box. Batman and Joker standing side by side, just as silver as the rest of the box.

Maybe he could stand to behave just a little bit longer. If that was what Batman really wanted as a Christmas gift.

Joker would never forget this day for as long as he lived.


End file.
